What I learned In Real Life.

Justin Bieber. You literally look like a woman.  I get it, you’re cool, you’re urban, you’re where it’s at. But earrings? Sir, you’ve taken it too far. Your pink glossed lips and freshly waxed eyebrows were enough, but now you’ve added two giant pieces of glitter to each side of your head and…I just…How could you!?!?! I had dreams of molesting you. But sadly…we all know what’s about to happen.

Justin Bieber’s penis is about to fall off.

I’m sure it’s hanging by a vas deferens as it is. But these earrings are pretty close to the last straw. All we need is for him to vow abstinence til marriage and his penis will have no choice but to detach completely.

If the penis fulfills it’s fate, the world will never be the same. The peen will fall harder than the Greek Empire, forcing the balls to follow. Testosterone will also vacate after feeling like the black kid at a bar mitzvah - lonely. He’ll become a soprano and attempt to embrace it by doing a documentary called “Couldn’t be Higher”. Critics will opt not to see the film because “movies are expensive” and instead assume the film costars the popular party drug Extasy (Bieber sucks on a pacifier for 69 out of the 73 minutes of the film). A YouTube video of Justin exclaiming, “I finally fit in!” at a lesbian convention will surface, causing all women under the age of 16 to also become lesbians.

In his last bid for manhood Justin will announce he has impregnated Selena Gomez. No one will believe him.

He will disappear for 30 years. Only to reemerge as the first woman president.

“30 years for a female president?!?” - My thought exactly.